6 Dec 80-
Lying I bed with a glass of vermouth while Toss in long underwear plays on the floor with Weasel. Soon he’ll take a shower – then delicious sex. A wasted day – cooking, housework, letters – making social engagements over Xmas. T read my story Kisses in the Dark though and liked it. Made love last night after movie It’s My Turn (not very good) partially clothed on the living room floor! I prefer the bed! 9:30 PM 8 Dec 80 Lying in bed with a beer – there is no wine – feeling very bad tempered. Fordham very dissatisfied with Chevenix transcript – they need some sort of “evaluation.” Oh, the horror. Rough time today Christmas shopping. T thinks its an insult to buy inexpensive presents – he wants to follow the rich people’s “codes” on the other hand we’re broke! Conundrum. The bar exam’s the end of Feb. Can we make it till then? 1 Jan 81 Resolution; keep better track of my life in this diary but wish I had a better life to keep track of. Particularly grim holidays while Lois repeatedly attacked Ricardo in front of everyone – everyone afraid to intervene because she’ll attack THEM (my ideas called “foolish” and “romantic.”) I tried teasing her by accusing her of “escort beating” while Ricardo murmurs from the corner of the room “I forgive her - She’s been so hurt.” Guess what? Lois has no sense of humor. This is my landlady. She wants to rent the Little House at highest dollar – since that’s where our washer/dryer is we need a washer/dryer here. No. Just no. She’s a weird one. When I suggested taking down a mirror so blotchy you can’t see yourself in it (it needs to be resilvered) she burst into tears and T attacked ME. She said she was willing however to rebind the first editions - I had to point out that destroys their Value! So there’s nothing I can say. My job is to clean (and then be criticized for it.) Toss has taken over cleaning the silver because I can’t be bothered to do it “properly”. To NYC for preview of Frankenstein – awful – we missed dinner because our train stalled in snow. Playwright overly wedded to novel – death after ludicrous death – not even rescued by special effects. Off to empty little bar Vintages for late supper ruined by Seth who teases T mercilessly. It’s the apparent goal of this family to get a scapegoat and ride them to death. Starting to see why Sutton got the hell out – who would stick around for this abuse? Ricardo, it seems. And Lois doesn’t respect him one bit for it. Avril wants to open a bar in Hallowell called “So’s The Governor’s Sister.” Funny. Boring New Year’s Eve party in Merion – I had high hopes (they were all psychiatrists) but all they talked about was heating bills. Got rid of Seth & Susie 4 pm – pizza and wine dinner – delicious lovemaking. Read The Poet– most poems shockingly bad – but there was one poet I liked – Katherine Hanley – so I wrote her a fan letter. On the good side: almost finished Pinch of Death. T. is my soul – so good & calm & not provoked at all by S who raged against L. Ugh. Exams next week. Read and was bored to shriek point by Trent’s Last Case. 4 Jan 81 Weather so cold it’s hard to breathe. T’s Reed roommate to dinner – watched Murder Once Removed over chestnuts roasted in the hibachi & 2 bots white wine. Struggling with Life & Letters of John Galsworthy. 5 Jan 81 To Princeton to do laundry. Bought life of Dorothy Kilgallen and have been glued to it all day. Wretched woman. Hypnotic erosion of all her values. T. confides out checking acct down to $200. Fortunately I’m expecting $120 this week. NJ Bar prep starts 12th– not soon enough for me. 6 Jan 81 Taught my class for the last time. I hate review – it’s hell. Sweating so hard I was afraid to lift my arms. Maria asked good questions – James said he didn’t know anything about writing before – now he does. Had to rush to the Whitney to meet T & Sutton. Met Sutton’s new flame, widow Pansy Burke – seems nice. She does drop a lot of names. Sutton dislikes Hopper. W had an uproarious dinner at The Palms – nothing “mignon” about my filet – it weighed at least 11 lbs. Wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t at it. Then brandy at Dom’s. Get into Princeton 3 AM and our car won’t start. Wrecker (“Mother’s Recovery”) comes at 3;45. Sleep till 1 then have to rush to catch the 3:05. Did a good story in Writer’s class. I am despised for my “upbeat ending” – feel mistaken for Aurelia Plath: “Keep a song in your heart.” Prof says there are NO happy endings in Great Literature? I say what abou Shakespeare’s comedies. He says comedy is not drama by definition. I say what about Jane Austen? Hi face tells me what he thinks of HER. On the train home I reflect on the mysteries of talent. At least 4 in class VERY talented – what will become of us? Possibly: nothing. I have an idea for a feminist lit mag when I get home; tell T. If we want to BE published we must publish others. My title is “The Feathered Violin” his is “The Burning Bush.”
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Alysse Aallyn
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