Plush Palace – Midnight – Fri 12 May 78
I love Friday nights. They’re always exciting. Gay girl in tonight approaching the dancers (without success) you’d think that would happen more often. If she went a bit slower she might get lucky. Unfortunately she just asks us if we are gay. How can we know without any experience? With the right kind of experience I think we’d admit we’re all at least a little bit gay. Avril came over to the house at noon – we had white wine, macaroni salad with ham and croissants. Eddy called me in 3 sets early - $265 extra. Irresistible – means I can go to NYC. Carol tells us about her sexually sadistic husband – handcuffs and everything! She orders pancakes for dinner to “cheer up” even though maple syrup gives her hives! Jerrilee tells how hard it was to leave herhusband. He held a gun to her baby’s head. Kristi found a new “wonderful” guy but gave him herpes and now she fears he’s “done” with her. What a waste since now they both have herpes! They’re perfect for each other! This is all a lot more interesting than Ann Bridge’s Emergency in the Pyrenees. (Even Mrs. Radcliffe was more fun that that). Who should come in tonight but Peter’s brother Julian! Thought he was in San Francisco. Apparently I’m one of the Eight Wonders of DC – can’t pass through without getting a gander. Kissed me in a brotherly way. We had a nice reminisce about childhood till Eddy sent me back to dressing room. He saw one set – when I came out again he was gone. 11 PM Mon 15 May 78 Sun night got blind drunk on my day off through sheer frustration and exhaustion; then couldn’t sleep. Intermittent nightmares that someone was trying to break into my car and throw acid in my face. Decided to kiss the novel off and let it go – just get an opinion. Concentrate on something else. Weather depressing – no sunbathing – four day monsoon! Trying grumpily to live without booze. I can see myself becoming Lida. 2 AM Mon 22 May 78 Exhaustion follows mania. Yesterday couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to read the NY Times, but refusing to go to bed dragged out my notebooks to arrange beside my desk. Horrible old valentines, photos of Ryder, dreadful wailing screeds fall out. I have so many drafts of Flycatcherit’s ridiculous. Purging isn’t easy – I totally get hoarding. How can you be certain you’ll never need it again? Must get to bed – tomorrow meet A at College Park Library to see Dear Detectiveand listen to Couperain. Fri. Plush Palace – 26 May 78 – 7:20 PM Dancing badly. Reduced to eating saltines (bad girl!) Feel I can see the end of all this and it’s a cold cold chill. Apparently nothing pleasurable lasts forever – as soon as it’s a “job” it’s over. Poor me! What’s the next incarnation? Tending art gallery on windswept rainy isle? Living drunken and obese in a trailer on the edge of the estate? Lovely “date” with Avril. We went to Sea Fair (corner Calvert & Conn) for drinks, scallops, mussels at the outside café. She says Shoulders is a total washout. Looks like Mom succeeded all too well in convincing us love is the most important thing in life – I say let’s blame her. A having horrible insomnia troubles so before movie we bought six classical records to soothe and stun. I really hesitate to go out with Peter – why cultivate new people when they’re so likely to turn out just as awful as the old people? I like him nowbut… he’s on his best behavior. Really feeling shy and buried in myself. Instead of new man, start a new novel. Something crazy. A tried Barbara Ellen (exercise studio) but was put off by their insulting sales techniques. It’s like being chained to a TV listening to a half hour of ring around the collar commercials. Too bad. I say she’s got to stop telling prospective employers she has “no experience”. She worked for hotline, courier service, horrible fake gyno, etc. We need to construct a resume out of this – we are too damn honest. Better to project even a witless confidence. I don’t want to have to tell people about myself, either. Dear Detectivewas superb! Followed it up with gold rush sundae and coffee at Swensen’s. Trying to get into bestsellers – reading Velda Johnson’s ghastly Etruscan Smile. Would rather read theology (and Secaire shows it. Alas.) My novel is terrible. It stinks. It needs to be rewritten from the bottom UP. Plot beyond help. 10:45 AM Sat 29 May 78 Woke up this morning muttering about betrayal and failure. Seems my life separates into two phases: pre and post Bruce. Pre-Bruce I was such an innocent – I think “goober” is the descriptive expression. Schools should not let these pathetic characters out – but we were so eager to roam free. There is no savagery to which people will not descend to protect their egos. On top of all this, we have to battle M & D who, of all people, SHOULD be in our corner. They’re pissed we’re not more successfully infantilized. Determine NOT to do this to my kids. Reading Hodgson’s Carnacki The Ghost Hunter(1900) heartbreakingly dull. And it could have been so good – a combination of Gerard Manley Hopkins and Sherlock Holmes is just what the doctor ordered.
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Alysse Aallyn
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