Sat 19 July 80
Housework not finished – unfortunately. We have a guest interrupting my dreaming hours – Ghislaine -elderly cousin of T’s whom I politely asked to be my matron of honor takes it as an invitation to move in. Fortunately she sleeps late. Horror stories about how her husband beats her – she used to flee her home to sleep in the church. They’re divorced thank God. Have to wash Weasel AGAIN – she tangled with a skunk and is stiff and pink from tomato juice. Toss leaves Mon for 5 days in KY studying with Boone Macafee. In 5 days alone can’t I get 75 pages? We’ll see. 9:15 PM – 21 July 80 Light spatter of rain can’t break the heat – still in the high 90’s though it’s dark outside. Perfect half-moon burns a hole though the cloud cover. Strange gunpowder noises could be thunder or carnival a mile away. Dixie very worked up. Inside myself I grapple. Reading theology a help. I feel people come into the world not blank but as coded entities. Trying to figure out the code. Reading Rosamond Lehmann – Swan in the Eve & short stories sends me into a Woolf frenzy. My psyche knows the vitamin it needs. Can’t write so I address wedding announcements – it’s like a dinner party – the more you can do in advance the better. 9:30 PM – 23 July 80 Excellent days I’ve had. Wise waiting to write till things fall into place inside. Thoroughly enjoyed (and mostly agreed with) Garr Wills’ Bare Ruined Choirs. Shouted & cheered my way thru the sex chapters. He was good, too on the Jesus freaks. It hit me – here’s my Secaire. It’s my religious novel. I was dumb, I was slow but feel I’ve got it. Up most of the night reading Greeley’s Making of the Pope 1978– NOT an edifying story. We are all made in each other’s image. Housework. Avril’s train 10:30. Barnacle – Shadow Is ME – 11:30 AM – Mon 28 July 80 Argument with Avril – can M & D change She is hostile to the idea: don’t EVEN TRY!!! But last night at dinner I pointed out how Mom interrupts – won’t let us get a word out – she was flabbergasted!! Completely unaware of it. And it goes against her philosophy etc. So there’s a change. Genevieve did give me some support. Agreed Plumly made a mockery of religion for the students (which M & D did NOT want to hear). Merrill very threatening and formidable – will not allow her schedule with Baby Barney to be interrupted. PERIOD. Whew! When I asked what time I could come to the Periwinkle and make coffee she said NEVER. Barnacle needs hotplate! Merrill NOT a good ad for pregnancy – her body looks collapsed like a beanbag chair. I have to remind myself – this is were all the gins & tons are tending. Genevieve on the other hand looking particularly gorgeous – very challenging about my desire to go to Fordham; says “It’s CATHOLIC” the way you’d say “It’s fascist.” Wish I could have explained my emotional feeling that mysticism is “beyond all that.” Barnacle – midnight July 30-31 – 80 Talked to my sweetie and he read me some mail. Cindy thanks me for my note but “can’t face” the wedding. What did I say? Can’t remember. He had a good day on his exams - felt excited and competent. Feeling utterly unprepared for tomorrow’s NJ exam. Finished Jean Love’s VW – Sources of Madness & Art which I adored – can’t wait for the next vol. Esp interesting to read it “in the bosom of family” so to speak. Love points out family members development is complementary to all others’ (family mem) development. Mom & Dad less “challenging” this time – they must be starting to think this wedding will really come off.
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Alysse Aallyn
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