Home – 12:30 AM
Thanking God Devon’s going to Guatemala – or wherever - and I CAN’T follow. Missing him already. Giving up on Champagne. It’s a TERRIBLE story. Financial independence now my main concern. Mon. 17 Mar 69 Every girl using coitus interruptus, even if she has six signed statements from doctors swearing that she’s sterile, wonders what she’d do if she got pregnant. That’s what I think about while doing the dishes. Would I even tell Devon? Well, the coitus was VERY interruptus. Tomorrow I’m going out to Villanova for a date with Rob Fountains whom I met through Operation Match. He sounded nice. 5:30 PM Wed 19 Mar 69 What a depressing day this has been. Up early after sleepless night to take M & D to airport. Came back home and slept for 2 hrs. Couldn’t face dancing class so made lunch for a pair of spinster librarians Mom dragged in out of the cold. “Lost souls” my father says. Peering out of my disordered, confusing and flaming life into their prim emptiness is a strange sensation. One of them – Varghiz? Borghese? Is assembling a book of quotes. Reading Portrait of a Lady. Very soothing. 11:00 am Sat 22 Mar 69 Read Mom, Dad and Zoe Varghiz my good poem and humiliated myself by bursting out sobbing. Dad was embarrassed, Mom wanted to call for a stretcher. Just awful. Tried to explain I’ve been a bit “on edge” but Mom wanted to argue about the metaphors. “How can you be scalded by morning dew?” Laura phoned to say she “lost” her virginity. “Where the hell did I put it?” I told her she “gained” her womanhood. Ripped up latest Lord Noone pages – this gothic writing not so easy. Goddamit. I basically want to rite a 90 p sex scene. Finished James, now we’re on to Richard Feverel. 23 Mar 69 WHO should call but Tom Watson!!! Devon gave him my number!! He’s coming to visit tomorrow. So annoying… 11:10 PM Tues 25 Mar 69 Watson not so hard to resist. I recall Devon too well. He said Devon was “surrendering his claim.” I doubt it! Mom put him in Avril’s room and I was completely asleep when he crawled in with me! I just left and went to sleep downstairs only to hear Mom scream when walked in to see her daughter had a red beard. I explained but I’m not sure she believed me. Fortunately Watson left. I think it’s very discouraging when a woman married 25 yrs can have such a simplistic view of sex. God I have got to get out of this house. Unfortunately book is not going well. Concentration is the key. Chestnut & 16th Horn & Hardart 12:50 AM 26 Mar 69 Why do I keep this damn diary. It’s interfering with my personality. Getting mad at Marya Mannes and her Sophisticated Man but nowhere to write about it except here. Had to take a trolley to get our car out of repairs – SPTA strike. Going home to make brandy snaps. Certainly isn’t healthy for a 19 yr old girl to be so totally without sexual outlets. Horrible argument with Mom about “love”. I couldn’t have been in love with Toss because we’re not together now, she says snipily. I know too much to even bring up Devon.
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Alysse Aallyn
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