10 Mar 69 – Lisle Hall
On Devon’s bed AGAIN – feeling like I’ve never left – slugging down tea & aspirin. Deathly ill. How come I was in the pink of health with Mick and sick as a dog with Devon? Life itself is a form of masochism. I was afraid my sore throat came from smoking grass with Mick in the gondolas but no –I have some sort of bug. (Mick wanted to smoke the peace pipe on agreeing to just be friends.) Didn’t need to call Devon from the station – got a ride with Amherstians. Right to Lisle Hall. Able to tiptoe upstairs and right into Devon’s bed. Aaah. Devon said, “I was so afraid you wouldn’t come. I’ve been so lonely.” Now he’s refusing to kiss me because I’m poisoned. He’s right of course, but I despise his self-control. He’ll be back in an hour. Trying not to be jealous. (Remember how jealous I was with Toss? And he loved it.) Maybe a long hot shower will clear this head but there’s someone in the hall (I can hear them out there dropping money.) “face facts… we’re nuts and easy to crack let me straighten out your head without each other baby we’re dead…” (Jesse Colin Young) 12 Mar Wed 69 Bullshitting in Watson’s room (I think his first name is Tom.) That’s what they call it. Red headed, red bearded jovial boy. Watson’s flirting but his pants are the wrong size. I’m thinking of holding Devon entire in my arms, like a lightly sprung shell. Whole and entire. I can hold everything of him. He could slaloming those hips around a gate while I’m cradling them in mine… Now if only he’d get naked… A girl has to be pretty inept if she can’t de-pants the average American boy. Coitus interruptus, that time-honored tradition. 13 Mar Thurs 69 Took a walk with Watson who got me lost on purpose – when I got to Lisle Hall I was freezing. Devon eating doughnuts with Ricardo, so worried, so angry with Watson, who made things worse by suggesting we all have sex. Devon – deeply shocked – said no. I saw him looking at me as if this whole thing was my fault. Funny how he doesn’t care about money – just gave Tom $45. So different from Toss whom I used to annoy by telling him he’d be a bank president someday. Where Toss was clinical Devon is emotional… 14 Mar Fri 69 What a great night, good God! We were completely naked – long shivering shudders of passion – he was completely mine. Words fail me so I wrote a poem. “How Did You Meet?” “Wasn’t it great,” said Devon, “The way we were standing there arguing and the minute we got into bed…” Yes. It was great. Devon teased me about how when I came up for Winter Carnival I thought I was going to have to room with “some gum-chewing Bennington freshman.” “I can’t imagine you at Bennington,” he said thoughtfully. Devon and I were lying on his bed reading when who should walk in but two of hi old girlfriends from Green Mt Junior College… Physical love must bring hidden stores of energy. We snapped to attention and gave them the rest of the doughnuts. They were not happy to see me, but I haven’t much to fear from them. Traveling two by two defeats their purpose.
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Alysse Aallyn
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