Fri 31 May 68
Attempting to muffle my triumph while sitting in Fr after giving Front of Class rept on Duttilleul. Free at last, thank God I’m free at last! Sheffield puzzles me to put it mildly. Invited him to work with me in the ice cream store but he sent Gary Long who is sweet & dumb & no threat to anyone. Then he shows up at the end to help me close. Tells me all about his father whom he deeply admires. Isn’t father worship a good sign in a boy? Or not? He brought Casper the Grasper’s note about my “professional level” Granny. Best performance he’s seen at the school. Wonder if C realizes this is the same girl he stabbed almost to death with a rose pin years ago? Probably not – he’s totally gaga and at least 100. Sheffield says he talks to all the boys about masturbation. Sun 2 June 68 “I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now…” Toss’ eighteenth birthday. I was his gift – he ate my throat and whispered through me hair and studied with the Engineering Marvel that is a pus-op bra (he mispronounces as “brazier.”) Started off in the AM at the lakehouse. White clothed tables, Japanese lanterns, très chichi. T took me into the center of the lake on a canoe ride while I ate my breakfast. When it started to rain he took off his pink shirt. Oh my. Oh to scale the white cliffs of Sheffield… Played tennis, sat together at lunch, collapsed side by side in a barley field. Then climbed to the treehouse in Boy Wood where he told me how beautiful my hands are and complimented my “lioness” hair. We undressed each other. Aaahhh… Roses for some very cold November. He shuddered over my breasts. His sweat is delicious. We licked each other clean of every childhood scrape & pain. I felt like crying from sheer happiness. This was the moment I’ve been looking for. I would have made love with him there & then but the Doberman did not drop the sirloin. Preston a terribly inferior lover compared to T… He knelt at my feet to put on my shoes. Only minutes left to dress for banquet – wore my short short SHORT hot pink chiffon mirrored halter dress, (with matching panties.) T. wore 3-piece suit and looked like turn of the century banking scion. Terrible speeches, badly planned. All on the subject of individual vs. society!!! Hard thing to toast. The dance was VERY good. (Band tremendous.) Wore my Indian bells sundress with matching bikini. Did a lot of sherbet eating and cookie consuming. (Shawn asked to dance once – very sporting I thought.) Casey & Robt both sick in infirmary! Mon 3 June 68 10:45 PM Ah, love. T & I go everywhere together. We’d go to the bathroom together if only it was allowed. Lying in the South Woods…3 mins late for IAM final but did OK. (I wore T’s grass-stained shirt!) Master Clarence gave me a test page, a pencil & a knowing look. T. has kitchen job so no dinner for him… T to Alysse (“kindness of bearer”) “My life’s only poetry these days…” Trying to read Sister Carrie but my own life’s much more interesting… Tues. 4 June 68 T to A: “Kindness of bearer” You are definitely the most amazing person I have ever known. It is as if the birds have bloomed. I am experiencing strange & wonderful flashbacks of your presence. Want to talk to you for hours, any moment is a waste when I am not in your sole presence. Please come to the Grad Party at my house…please. I wish I could just express the wonder you inspire. Love. Yes. Who can study after this? Cram session in Room 3 – I could “feel” him through the walls! Staggered half washed into breakfast – there he was – first time he’s been to breakfast in 6 months! (No saltpetered powdered eggs for HIM!) Then we talked in the French room till 8:20. Master Bob opened the door and shook his finger at us. Sat on the steps in the sun as close as we could get. Told me about an NYU girl he’d smoked hashish with. We danced through the barley like a pair of drunkards. How can I be so lucky? How can we ever leave each other?
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Alysse Aallyn
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