Tues 21 May 68
Stalk into Fr class five mins late & flip open my diary. Horrible day, horrible school. Endless American Dream rehearsals – seniors are all crazy and n one can remember their lines. Long list of medical demands from the work camp people. Not looking forward to wearing a paper dress while dr calmly frigs me. Wed 22 May 68 Decided to forgive Toss who is very abject. (Simon de Beauvoir just skin deep, alas.) He invited me to the Class Day banquet. Said he visited Dan Devereux at college and heard horror stories about me. Also Dan produced some “marijuana” he was deeply proud of – Toss had to tell him it was Hartz Mountain catnip. Got all my graduation invites out today. Just back from a midnight swim in the lake – now hot bath to wash marsh water out of my hair. Casey trying to figure out how far to go with R. I say all the way – I damn well would. She threw her sleeping bag out the window and off they went. Mon 27 May 68 Good weekend. M bought me matched luggage for Europe (red) a handbag and a traveling iron. She is obviously thrilled to be getting rid of me. Helped Spencer Coxe kill weeds and he gave me a ride back. Late for Vespers to confront a cynically suspicious Miss Wormrest who looked at me as if I was nine months pregnant. I was carrying a huge bag of books and a carton of Tab. Said I was out late with head of the American Civil Liberties Union – unimpeachable source. (They let me go.) Casey says that she & R stopped “just short”. Self control. Toss calls it a “Doberman balancing a piece of sirloin on his nose.” The limbo stick of life is too damn low and I refuse to stoop. Casey asks what I’m writing and I say, “The truth.” She has forbidden me to discuss her with you ANY MORE. “I’m going to write my own diary,” she grumbles. So I tell her to get on with it and stop her bellyaching! If people COULD, they WOULD. NoDoz to keep from sleeping when I ought to be studying. Toss has gorgeous male body, which he sheathes in corduroy & sharp-starched French-cuff shirts. Wears an Eng tweed vest on ALL occasions. He knows the sight of him makes me throb. This is why I must be extra cruel. Tues. 28 May 68 Hideous rain. Sheets & gushers. American Dream an enormous triumph. Got a standing ovation, everyone showers me with praise. I really am the PERFECT OLD LADY, they tell me! I can act after all. Yeah, me & Judith Anderson. Not making me feel ANY better. But what would? What would? Toss naked in the moonlight? Sat with him at dinner – I’m sure that conceited the hell out of him. Doubt he respects me for my mind. My luggage arrives stamped A deF A. (I don’t actually HAVE a middle initial. “Go for broke” is my new saying (bar sinister with gules & lions on a field of sable.) Into city tomorrow to be ripped open on some dr’s table. Mom’s Dr has a very strange drop box in the wall for your underpants! (Avril & I think he wears them on his head while writing up his notes.) He’s bound to compliment me on my capacious Womb as he juggles my ovaries in his hand. (They always do.) Some lucky guy will impregnate me and soon, from the looks of things! Blah, blah blah! And we have TWINS running (positively fleeing) in our family! La de da!
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Alysse Aallyn
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