2:00 AM Tues 15 Aug 67
Saw Two For the Road – I mark it higher than To Sir With Love. Liked the clothes. Read a review of Zelda Fitzgerald’s Save Me The Waltz that was more of a stuffy of Zelda herself. Saw that twisted logic so characteristic of myself, feeling naked nerves barely holding intellect together. I also am a slave to violent reactions springing seemingly from nowhere! She describes herself sitting on the porch and watching her dates “rot”! But she couldn’t leave the porch the way I would have. She was stuck. Breathed a sigh of relief over an interested letter from Robin. In very interesting handwriting her informs me I am Never To Be Forgotten. I think he will be much more tolerable as a Literary Friend. Went shopping today and bought two-striped Scottish knit dresses (long sleeved, very clingy). Also beautiful gauze dress – pale orange. Mom doesn’t like it but it was $2! Now really! Back from an evening at the Carnahans where Mom and Dad announced they would give me a trip to Europe for graduation present. I think they are afraid I won’t make it otherwise! They also talked about how en route from Vermont they had a layover in Boston and saw Genevieve and Kent. Mom said they are serious about having me visit. Probably go four days next week. It would make a good novel – the sister invited on the honeymoon who refused to leave! Bring everybody to the brink! It may have been done before but not my way. We all saw Wait Until Dark (play) with Barbara Bel Geddes. Some good scares. A real sadist would have started carving her up long before this one did. Had tea, and talked about it with Avril – who is growing more intelligent daily – she says I can use the library at her school - then snuggled down in bed all warm and cozy. But I like to have a many-sided problem to turn over in my mind while I’m falling asleep so I said, “I’ll just pick up Marek’s book and read for a few minutes” – what a mistake! I immediately became so engrossed sleep was impossible! I wish I could go digging in Egypt or Syria. Seems like that’s harder and not as materially rewarding these days. But what do I care about this last? Still, I would fall in love with everything I uncovered and then I’d have to give it up. Love reading about the dark-skinned Champollion deciphering cuneiform! Some of the poetry he translated is as touching as Ecclesiastes. “My son, my avenger, I shine with love for you…how sweet is your friendship against my breast…I marvel at you...” I am so deeply interested in every human variation that has ever been played – we are so intrinsically similar, so devastatingly different. Wouldn’t it be great to keep this diary in Babylonian? Then nobody could read it! Aboard The Gryphon – Swan Creek Marina – Rock Hall, MD – Midnight - Sat 19 Aug 67 – written by flashlight Swan Creek is the most charming hurricane hole you ever saw. Almost all stinkpots, but very thoughtful management (they put ice in our refrigerator!) Some drunk guy singing baritone on another boat. Wish I knew Morse code - very cute blond boy not far away. And how do you say PS Muffle your oars? Would take all night to figure it out. Most awful dream last night. I was at my wedding – the groom combining the worst features of Dan Devereux and Robin! I recognized no attendants or guests – everyone very casually dressed lounging around the pews disrespectfully. I wore my new $2 dress (proof that people dream in colors.) It seemed totally real – never occurred to me it might be a dream. I began to get really frightened thinking, How am I getting out of this? Mom came into the church with a white wedding dress over her arm and held it up against me. She said it was Genevieve’s gown and I can use it. But Genevieve got married in a leather minidress and gladiator sandals. I tried just pulling on the dress but my orange gauze showed through so I went to change in an olive-green locker room. I looked out the windows to jump but it was too far down. I saw sightseer buses puling up for the wedding outside! My best man was Fran’s boyfriend John – I liked him but I never knew his last name. Anyway he came in, offered me a cigarette and said, You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. The relief! I woke up at that moment and realized it was all a dream. This evening Mom and Dad and I went to see Ulysses – bold movie but SO hard to follow! Still, stream of consciousness works better in film than writing. Re-read Prince Caspian for the first time since age 10! He shouldn’t have thrown in all the Christ allusions but I still liked it. Finally finished the Marek book it was so exciting! Now there’s nothing to read but Mom & Dad’s magazine Atlas. Still, looks interesting. Mom and I went to Pewter Hill to pick up a key – it is air-conditioned!!! Mom was excited to see a squad car in the park – makes it seem safe – but the officer was snoring away! I’m the cockpit where I’m going to try to sleep because Mom and Dad have been shaking the whole boat with their lovemaking. I’m sure they’re trying to keep it down – it just isn’t possible. When I started to feel white-hot I thought about Robin and went right down to refrigeration in no time. Tomorrow we go to St Michaels saving 14 miles by going through the Scary Narrows. Dad has consulted charts & books galore. He says not to worry, boat is Unsinkable (knock on Fiberglas.) Shaping up to be another sleepless night wondering when the earth will die. Probably soon, judging by pollution in Philly. Gryphon – Gibson Island, Chesapeake – Sun 20 Aug 67 Read two books today – Edmundo Desnos Inconsolable Memories and CS Lewis’ Perelandra. I am out of everything I WANT to read and just grimly working my way through the ship’s collection till we get to a bookstore. I’m not send to being a thousand miles from the nearest library. I shouldn’t read so fast but when the books are bad this is what happens. Dad and I had a long discussion about it over cocktails on the “ahfta-deck”. Dad says the Desnos book got very good reviews. Frankly, I’m surprised. Desnos thinks he is daring when he is merely boring. His lack of thought about Castro is disappointing. His visit to Hemingway’s house should be a short story all by itself. Since the problem is development of ideas and tone, let’s blame the translation. If only they had used Mark Twain’s friend who translated For to Visit a Sick. Oh well. I am too hungry for amusement. I will be forced to write my own book if this keeps up. CS Lewis somewhat better. He can still make my jaw drop with his masterly artistry. I rate it above Screwtape Letters, which had a tendency to turn into a list of Pet Peeves. Unfortunately the plot is ludicrous and the characters incomprehensible. His philosophy is strange. Why hate the stage? He gets upset over people who don’t appreciate romance poetry – it’s the same damn thing. And why isn’t he a pacifist? Why bomb people you can’t see for the benefit of those you don’t know? What if they’re all a bunch of Satanists? Sounds a lot more dangerous spiritually than going to the theatre. When Weston begged for mercy Ransom smashed his face in then prayed for him! I also don’t like this theory that we would all be happy all day long frolicking in a Biblical kindergarten! We want to research and build – CS Lewis above all. Waugh also hated pacifists and thought ou would get in less trouble killing the wrong people than in refusing to kill at all. Weird.
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Alysse Aallyn
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