Wed 5 July 67
There are those (psychiatrists) who say Environment is All. I will raise my children with stimulation & excitement. I say routine’s the modern curse; we’re always hanging about like goldfish with our mouths open awaiting the next bell. Who lives more fully, a tiger or Walter Mitty? I say Mitty because imagination IS a life but no one agrees! In fact last night’s party turned into a “company meeting” where we all complained they work us too hard, yell at us too much and are too insulting in their criticisms. (Lucky they haven’t had a suicide.) They’ve turned us into a heap of Pavlov dogs and no one has the nerve to tell them this however. Found my own personal philosophy perfectly expressed in the explanatory paragraph before Browning’s Soliloquy of the Spanish Cloister (a most awkward poem in my opinion.) I abhor the Victorians. Ugliness refined to an art. Anyway, “Life is a moral testing ground and the call t the individual to realize his (or her) potentialities is also a call to meet the moral demands of his (her) world! So true! I wonder how many people I’ve influenced to start diaries! JoAnn is starting one. She’s thinking of becoming a nun! Thurs. 6 July 67 In the smoker listening to Jefferson Airplane. Fran says Grace Slick is bad for her voice but she’s attracted anyway. Jodi wants The Chad Mitchell Trio which is all western and warbly. I say there must be something in between – how about Night on Bald Mountain? Fran says there’s no singing, I say yes there is. I’m pretty sure the demons howl at the end. No different from Grace Slick really. Mousetrap opening tonight. Robin gave me a charming ring made from a silver spoon. We went to a thrift store so I could buy new jeans (and corduroys) – my old ones won’t stay up! Sat. 8 July 67 Why is Robin such a small mind? BUT HE’S SO BRIGHT AND AFFECTIONATE AND WHO ELSE IS THERE? He’s grabby and pawy and the word No is against his religion. I dressed up for the Hawk because Michael Steele the MN reviewer would be there. Robin said we had to stop at his apt first but he wouldn’t leave. I got so mad I smacked him across the face as hard as I could. He was hurt, I apologized so he started up again! He produced condoms! I was insulted, he was angry. I told him Anything but That. We did manage some pleasure – I had several seizures. But men don’t like it if they’re not impregnating you, which is A Problem. I’m willing to grapple with birth control but not for this guy. He thinks never seeing each other again is a plus! I kind of hate myself now. Feel like Lady Ellenborough – “too much trouble to say No.” Feeling emotionally stomped.
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Alysse Aallyn
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