Thurs 20 Apr 67
Interesting conversation with Shawn Kobler who walked me back from dinner. About mercy killing. I have a soft sport for it since Aallyns live forever, leaving their brains far, far behind. He used to be ugly ugly now he’s ugly interesting. Plus smart. He’s class pres, I’m VP so we have many excuses to meet. Hmmm. Negatives: Religious Life Committee, friends with Reed. Positives: Interesting athlete. He gets a lot of injuries ( hidden conflicts.) And he has curly blond hair and big shoulders. He plans to be Student Body Pres next year. Me – the Notorious Scofflaw – going out with SBP? It has a certain appeal. Wed 26 Apr 67 Dammit, flunked another math quiz. Had to ask what R stood for (radius). If this keeps up will need a tutor. Who ever heard of the radius of a SQUARE? It is wrong that it should have one, but it does. If I fail I have to retake as a senior and that WILL NOT HAPPEN> Will memorize the damn textbook if that’s what it takes. Coming up: Gertrude spouts equations in Hamlet death scene. “To fail or not to fail…” Fri 28 Apr 67 They show Rashomon after dinner and Reed and I got into a stupid argument about it. He blames the whole thing on the poor woman, which is not the filmmaker’s point at all. I really think he is going to force me to break up with him and his beestung mouth. Sat 29 Apr 67 I hate everybody. Miss Wienand had the nerve to tell me I would never be a writer because I have “no feel for literature.” She did not like my Wordless Play. Hideous struggles with CP Snow and Isak Dinesen. Trying to write a poem in French that is a takeoff on Rimbaud – reflections of sweaty men in a wineglass by firelight. The soul heaves! You know the sort of thing. The tap dancing of an amputee. Having my mother show up for Parents Day a VERY good thing however. She is so gracious and beautiful I am raised in everyone’s estimation. I sit in the East Room eating 2,000 macaroons while she is making lifelong friends. She did sleep through the lecture on careers! Then she took me & Aynsley to lunch at the Media Inn saying she is thinking of buying Pewter Hill, Aynsley’s grandmother’s beautiful house. That would be lovely. Avril and I would get a whole floor. Unfortunately Auntie Beulah would have to come live with us. I ate prime rib, fondue and Cherries jubilee. I really am a fire-eater. Now I have to write a paper about whether Lincoln could have avoided the Civil War. (NO!) Paper doomed unfortunately. Miss Cluny said Lincoln’s letter was the model sympathy letter and I said it was a disgrace to humanity. Mon 1 May 67 Brice came up to me after lunch to break up with me! From Aiken! Due to Differences in Lifestyle & Libido, blah blah blah (the nerve!) He OBVIOUSLY expected me to fall sobbing into his arms, which I refused to do. Said it was a pity Aiken was such an Old Man while still in his twenties! I like my generation! Not One Tear will I shed on or for either of Those Men. There is NO PLANET in the stratosphere where this mess of a Cyrano breakup would be OK. I was so annoyed I broke up with Reed! Not very nicely either. I do feel guilty but new horizons, etc. New horizons may be Shawn Kobler. He keeps casting me Unfathomable Glances. Getting the distinct impression I represent Bad Girls to him – don’t like that at all. Didn’t know if he would “forgive” me for Reed – fortunately he doesn’t approve of drugs either. He usually doesn’t date – he is too busy running the school. Did invite me to put in an appearance at a dance he will be “working”. That’s not quite good enough for me. Reed’s KOBS (he’s still sending them) are poems as-screechy-violin-psycho music; Shawn’s complicated screeds fear “stuffy domesticity” and wonder if the “call of the wild” is dead. I can answer that: No.
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Alysse Aallyn
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