Tues. 4 Apr 67
My hand is shaking because I just left a heavy make-out session with Reed Hambro. I want to write about the awful party but the wonderful evening . I got out of the house without a problem because Mom wasn’t there. I showed Aiken all around the house – I could tell by his eyebrows he was confounded by the mixture of splendeurs et misères. I told him it was temporary and showed him my beautiful third floor where I sleep on a mattress on the floor so I can look out the windows but he was unimpressed. Oriental artifacts everywhere but they are shabby. Still he admitted OI looked beautiful. Horrible university party full of pregnant wives. Didn’t like the way they looked at me – decided to drink coke and say nothing. They seemed so doglike and uncomfortable. But I did get into a long discussion with a Prof Wylie who has a system of “personal anarchy” that sounds a lot like my own. He was drunk but funny. He kept saying “What this party needs is a little audience participation.” But everyone had to be on their best behavior because it was more like work. Strange Danish Oldern house with peek-a-boo architecture – how can you climb stairs – in a dress – that are only slats? When we got back to Penn St my mother was there. She said nothing about my clothes but she really gave poor Aiken the business while I made Earl Grey tea. She is the only person I have ever known who can lower the temperature of a room to freezing in seconds. At least she didn’t ask him his intentions. He behaved very well, just as if she was normal. He got her on the subject of Southeast Asia while I roll my eyes. Finally she had to go upstairs to get Avril to sleep. Avril’s afraid of Phila because of all the stabbing news and who can blame her? So Aiken and I were left alone…on the oriental rug in front of the fire. “I wish I could take you back to my place,” he muttered. “Why don’t we do it right here?” I suggested. To be funny. He said seriously, “Because you might bleed and we need some form of birth control.” Let’s go straight to the hospital and do it on a gurney! “I really have to go” he said. We could hear Mom creaking about upstairs. He gave me one last kiss – lifted me up completely! Bliss. When I got upstairs I saw my shirt was all torn and I had to throw it away. But it was definitely worth $9 even for only one evening. Mon 10 Apr 67 Pretty sure the Aiken thing is shot to hell. Called him Sun morning but he had a woman with him! He really made me feel about twelve. Guess it’s finally time to stop waltzing with fire. At least I have a new interest. Trying to deepen my voice for Gertrude; Hamlet rehearsals starting in earnest. Wish I didn’t loathe Stukey (who plays Hamlet) so much. He spits when he declaims! At least Toss Sheffield plays my husband…Toss of the long blond hair. Unfortunately he is knee deep with Beth Donoghue. Coffee & Conversation VERY dull. D. H. Lawrence; “It makes me ill having people constantly stuff my ears with bits of chewed newspaper.” Mon 17 Apr 67 To be or not to be? Chaste, I mean. Casey’s and my sole topic of conversation. Reading The Slender Reed about James K. Polk. I consider him the last president of any note at all. In Eng we are reading John Brown’s Body, which is surprisingly good. Anyone whose “favorite writers” are Emerson, Bret Harte and Melville the way Roach Face’s are is “colordeaf” in the matter of literature. But they’re not as bad as Steinbeck. Asked Reed if I was the first girl he ever kissed and he nodded. Brave to tell the truth! If it was me I’d lie!
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Alysse Aallyn
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