Fri 25 June 76 – Club Shalimar
Eating free scrambled eggs the cook gave me: “Somebody’s got to eat them” while waiting to go on. A lot of interesting men come into this place. None perfect obviously – and unfortunately I need more than perfection. I need mysticism. The owner seems to be something of a gangster. I got 2 standing ovations today. The job is actually enjoyable. I am really getting into it – dancing for pleasure – for the connection with the audience. They stare spellbound like deer in the headlights. Feel like I’m living in a Simenon novel as I learn the ins and outs. Avril loves her new job – thank God – they want her to do dispatch (no wear and tear on fragile Gremlin) and the drivers are all foreigners who don’t know the city. She’s always yelling at the to “Look out the car window and tell me what you see.” Met the most charming little man – a TV director at a local station – speaks sign language, is a magician and a karate black belt, he’s just so full of joie de vivre. His name is Ryder and his excitement about me puts my non-relationship with Devon in a new light. Reading Meyer’s Ibsen. 1:15 AM – Sat 3 July 76 We’re supposed to “wait” in the dressing room but they don’t seem to care if you don’t so I spend all my time talking to Ryder. He says he’s just separating from his wife and it’s extremely traumatic. They have been together since high school. He’s a tad hyper – always on the go, but very entertaining He usually brings me gifts – flowers, magazines, stuffed toys and cards. Also he’s a diver and underwater photog. Today he brought pink roses. Avril warns me not to fall in love. Just date. Easy to say! I want security, privacy, ecstasy, exclusivity…and love. It’s a problem! The oilman came to the house today says he’s shocked we have no credit references and will have to pay COD! Fortunately I had just got off work and I had the cash on me but I don’t like it at all. Guess we won’t need much oil till winter. Let’s hope. Ryder gave me a long spiel about how he gave another dancer a ride home (Darlene) and she expected him to go to bed with her and he said, I don’t do that. I could tell he was sounding me out! I said, I don’t either! No sex, ever! Sex, bad. He laughed till it hurt and he begged for mercy. Poor Avril had a long hard day – 7:30 AM to 6:30! I promised to take her out to eat at Steak & Egg if she picks me up. She said make it Bob’s and it’s a deal. 10:30 AM Tues 6 July 76 Sitting on a mattress on the floor of my Tyler St bedroom surrounded by a jumble of stuff. So exciting starting a New Life. This time I am waiting for the gasman – if he doesn’t come by 1 pm I have to leave. 9:25 PM – sitting in the Shalimar dressing room eating a plum. Last night A and I saw Antonioni’s The Passenger. Goes down with La Prisonniere, Persona, Pierrot Le Fou and Weekend as one of my favorite all-time films. So perfectly constructed it was like a series of Canalettos. Ryder just asked me if I wanted to go to dinner sometime. I said sure. He asked me about a lot of Italian food I didn’t recognize – I said I like everything. Covered with sweat from dancing to ”No one knows what its like to be the bad man…” have to take it really slow, freezing in a series of poses. Then suddenly I meet someone’s eyes and he drops his drink. Sat 10 July 76 – 9 pm – Shalimar 7 hours packing at Zevin Towers before I showed up here so I was already exhausted. I hate packing. Getting to be a bit of a trial having Ryder in the bar all the time. His expressions embarrass me to dance around him. I said I thought this place was full of stories. He said, don’t stay here just to pick up stories. He said he would “subsidize” me to keep me from “doing this.” Hmmmm. Right after talking about how little money he’ll have when he splits with his wife! He’s been offered a job in Detroit for a lot more money – that’s how they get ahead in his business – jump from station to station. I told him he should take it – turned out that was the “wrong thing” because he hoped I’d want him here. But I told him, I’m a citizen of the world. I can go anywhere. Fear only empty experiences. So he says, why are you doing this? I said, to meet you. Otherwise he is perfect. So charming, smart and funny, with so much ambition, spirituality and humility. 4 sets left – then 2 days off. Just bought 3 costumes from Sunny for $30. Feeling personally confident in a way I haven’t for years. R invites me out to dinner next week. Have to buy special shoes so I won’t be too tall. Today marks year and a half since my separation from Bruce. Fri 16 July 76 – Club Shalimar A & I hung living room paintings today, and last piece was moved in. Half an hour till my date with Ryder. Will his name mean anything to me in twenty years? Brought blow dryer, change of clothes and unguents sufficient to slap me back into shape after 7 hrs dancing. Idly listening to gossip of Randy (bouncer), Jinx (dancer) and Bobbi (bartender). A and I had pleasant evening last night – wild storm and the power failed. So we went out walking afterwards with dogs & flashlights. Fun looking into people’s houses, seeing them move about with candles. What does the future hold? I worry both that Ryder will be there and that he won’t be there. Margery Sharp’s The Faithful Servants has a lot of charm. Sat.
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Alysse Aallyn
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