Sat 26 Dec 70
This diary getting stupider and stupider. Definitely needs a lock as I change my mind about everything every 5 mins. Tried to tell Gen about A but the competitive spirit dies hard. I’m looking forward to seeing him again and G doesn’t think it’s women’s lib. Jen & Kent gave Dad Howard Zinns Politics of History for Christmas – I’ve been dipping into it – pretty interesting. Larchmont (A’s house) Mon Dec 28 - 70 Went to a party full of Larchmont High alumni so boring and stupid I had A’s brother drive me back here. Desperate for something to read picked up Simone de Beauvoir’s 2nd Sex and I really dislike it. Maybe it’s a bad translation – the French sentence structure sounds stupid in Eng. Her chapter on the lesbian was a complete waste of time. I quit there. Armon came home and we had beautiful sex very loving & giving. He says Polly makes him appreciate me more. This is an awful house and I’m an inadequate guest. I guess I never realized what a private person I am. Possibly I just don’t like people. I think Armon’s mom is acting crazy but he says, “She’s always like that.” I think they are insensitive to her calls for help. Armon’s father asked me how I approach a writing project and I said a few things. Armon later told me it was rude to speak to an important New York editor like that since we are not equals. But he asked me! Quakerism gets in the way – the modern equivalent of “thee & thou.” Tues. 29 Dec 70 I can’t stand it in this house another day. Armon’s asleep so I guess he’s not coming with me. Big scene last night. A’s parents say Chevenix bad school, A only going there because of my dad. He neds to leave and seek some status. I said he neds to buy out my half of the car. Mr. S. told Mrs. S I said her mother is horrible. Tactless of him. Maybe dishonesty IS the best policy. Mrs. S said she’s tired of doing everything I her house – Mr. S not sympathetic. I call Barbara B who says she’s willing to take A’s room for a month and see how it goes. Sun 3 Jan 71 – Pewter Hill NY Times article about encounter groups totally backs me up – they are “emotional fascism”. Want to call Armon to tell him. He was so difficult about my rejection of group experiences – pot, alcohol, sex. He says I’m beyond “old-fashioned” I’m “antique”. I say I’m “baroque”. Told him he needs to learn to distinguish between “true & false” experiences – quoting Hemingway but he was unimpressed. Not happy about returning to college which I think is one long encounter group but I can’t complain to Dad since he’s paying for it and I moved heaven & earth to get there. I wanted the “Summerfield” experience so I am stuck! Marlys – Wed 6 Jan 71 Wish I liked Turn of the Screw better. Get sick of the shilly-shallying & endless innuendo. Most disturbing thing about it is the emphasis on the children’s “great beauty”. Makes you think they were unnatural. Hmmm. Bad acting class with Fionnula Flannigan. She says the audience doesn’t care anything about you! “They’re only interested in the character.” Yes, but they are looking at you. You have to know what you have got. Fionnula says “assume” any guise you wish – this makes actors happy, not me. I guess I want to be a writer/director. I want to uncover. Armon working with a private acting coach in “secret sessions.” He’s all for “assuming any guise.” Talked Barbara into trying out Leonora’s playwriting class – it was a good introduction to Chevenix College. Maybe she will stay. Then saw Truffaut’s excellent L’Enfant Sauvage – healthy antidote to commercial poison.
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Alysse Aallyn
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