Mon 5 May 69 – Washington DC
Back in the hotel watching the news after a hard day’s vigilling. Channel 4 was true and almost sympathetic. I’ve got to admit we were an impressive bunch – well dressed youth as well as the wild ones & all ages. So far only one guy has been arrested (Ross Flanagan.) He wanted to be. Mom & Dad angry at him but that’s the only way he could handle his guilt. None of this is my bag, however. Longing for individual meditation, I eyeballed a fe passing Plumlyites. . Monster headache and the wind so dirty I had to take my contacts out. Just saw Daddy on Channel 9 saying it was biggest demo so far in Nixon administration. I feel we made a responsibly valid statement. Especially liked the march from Fla Ave Mtg to White House. Not much heckling. Avril’s trying to talk me into going back with her but I’m quite happy here reading & thinking about Kafka. Good hot bath: I’m lobster red. Now, about Skip. We saw I am Curious Yellow Thurs afternoon. Seemed witless. Sat afternoon we took off in the convertible (top down) eating strawberries in New Hope. Attacked by (very brief) and photogenic thunderstorm! I wanted to see the double feature at the Strand but neglected to discover the pictures had changed. Oh well. Ended up seeing The Knack and Marat/deSade made me much more passionate than Yellow ever could. I was the most tempted I’ve been. Of course I not only don’t love him, I couldn’t. Problem. We drove home after the movie all happy & tender. “I’ll make love if you want,” I said, thinking I was giving him a nice surprise. But noooooo. After making me repeat myself six r seven times, he refused me! Outrageous batting average I have. He said he doesn’t like time limits and he doesn’t want to do it outside. (But I wanted it right then!) He leaves in ten days and I don’t think we will ever be in the same mood at the same time. Next weekend my whole family goes sailing. JFK Mem Hwy, Maryland, 6 May 69 Beautiful part of MD not the usual poverty stricken side we drive thru on way to boat. Dad’s been having pains in his side that leave him breathless – had such an attack while meeting Kissinger. Uh oh. Dr. says he works too hard but he refuses any association of physical with mental stage. Says his “adrenals are swollen up like pumpkins.” Mom frets. Subject closed. I worry. Cancer? Heart? I made the mistake of offering to drive while he sat rigidly beside me yelling at other drivers and giving me orders until my “adrenals” were swollen up like pumpkins too and we were both panicked and sweaty. He says I drive like I think the road is going to end. I have no reason to believe it won’t. Where would I be without this book, inarticulate as it is? Crazy syntax a testament to the fact that I still feel & think as well as write & read. In the Bath Fri 9 May 69 – 11 AM Skip and I “attempted” something last night. Love? Sex? That’s what he called it but I wasn’t satisfied. He said he was tired so I let it ride but naturally I regret it. He goes about everything the wrong way. He’s so blond he has a lovely pale body but rounded thighs like a girl. He’s no Devon, but he is pretty. Makes me think of Jupiter statues – good body gone slightly to seed. Interview today at Circle in the Square. On the train – Rain. Edwardian dress, white stockings & glasses feeling ugly & hopeless. Picked up N Yorker at station to see what I was missing and decided to go on missing it. VERY depressing story about married life. Good article at least about Nicol Williamson’s Hamlet. He says he harder you try the worse you get. Woman sitting across from me has dead grass stuck on her shoes as though she dressed in the woods. Good image. Just coming into Newark. I’s really time to make a little MONEY. Man passing out religious pamphlets skips over me! Uh oh!
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Alysse Aallyn
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