11PM FRI 4 Apr 69
Not bad. He’s got the body. Poor me, lusting away in the bucket seat of his tiny car. He’s acceptably intelligent, unparanoid, likes my hair. Is he my spring thing? Solid. Not tall. We would fit. He invited me to Skimmer Weekend – mad parties and races. Tried to teach me how to play cribbage but it’s confusing. “Do you don’t you want me to love you? I’m coming down fast but I’m miles above you: (Beatles) Drove through Plumly with Skip to see if it looks better from a sportscar. (Since we were so close anyway.) It looked tawdry & awful: Home for Incurables. Lost my $6 sunglasses at the diner; or somebody stole them. Theft is a tax on the rich, my father says. I must say I’m a difficult, impossible person. He dropped me off at Pewter Hill at 10:00 – marched up to my bedroom to write hard porn. Hungry, hungry, hungry. 1:10 AM Easter Sunday 6 April 69 Downstairs drinking a Tab & Lemon, memorizing audition pieces, but my thoughts are far away. Seems Devon’s rarity has ruined me for other people. Said he would send his address but did NOT. (His last words were: “I’ll never forget you.” Echoing less pleasantly now.) Am I desperate enough to contact his mother? NO. Tried kissing Skip – didn’t work. Sex is out. Alysse, you recalcitrant nun you. He lives in a fustian row house with business majors, engineers & architects. It is a complete disgusting mess all the time in spite of pier glasses and Victorian paneling. The kitchen looks like Vietnam; they have yet to cook one thing without burning it to the pan. They have a toilet that fills the room with flushing waters; above it is a sign “Flush & Run.” “To discourage guests” says Skip. Tomorrow dancing all day, next Sat New York, then the 18th is Skimmer weekend. Then there’s that book you were planning to write Alysse… Trying to read Thomas Merton but he only makes me want to write in my diary MORE. Looks like Skip and I are in for a Plumly-type relationship. He is Beales Redux. He does not like my wispy side curls nor my thumb ring. He asked for a back rub but refused to take off his shirt. He says if we are still seeing each other in two years we’ll be married! What did I eat to bring on these nightmares? I told him he was a medieval fascist and I was afraid to introduce him to my father. Kipseley’s Coffee Shop – 7 April 69 – Mon NOON Isn’t “Guest Check a contradiction in terms? Plus ça change, plus ça reste! A gorgeous spring day. Lovely creatures in caps, moustaches and striped t-shirts are out warming up their Jaguars. I was thinking of buying a record but I think I will renounce he world with Father Merton and window shop around Rittenhouse Square instead. It’s cheaper. Dancing ends May 17. Hoping to be a different person then. As Janis Joplin says, you just have to be that righteous. 12:40 AM 8 Apr 69 So nauseated by something I just read I can’t stand it. Jean Adams (“Teen Forum”) advises against parked cars & stolen kisses. She says if Miss Scranton granted these privileges, boyfriend would be Gone. The only way to keep him is to deny him! My mother totally agrees! Let’s say you marry this guy and then what? Who knows he’s worth having? Puritans! 1:45 AM – The only thing that matters to me is my writing and I don’t seem to give it the right priority! It matters more than dancing or even audition pieces. Anyway I don’t do it. Nobody’s ever going to think I’m a artist unless I think so first. Anxious, unstable, nervous – trouble sleeping - how close to a smashup am I? If I could only relax I feel I could create. 4:13 PM – Wed 9 Apr 69 Bill Green called. I keep putting him off, putting him off. Mom has 2 tickets to The Living Arts for me & Skip – but he doesn’t call! Told Bill I was working on my auditions. Mom asked for my help and I told her I was working. Felt guilty!
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