Dec 3 - 63
Tomorrow I will be 14! Tempus fugits! Thirteen is a child, but fourteen is almost fifteen! I asked for a radio and a photograph album and a month at a good camp. Anywhere but the wilds of Ohio. I get one present at breakfast, one at lunch and one at dinner. Sun. Dec 7 - 1963 Delightful birthday. Radio in a brown leather case, green photograph album, and Roget’s Thesaurus. No camp. Oh well. Dec. 10 – 63 I’m in a horribly bad play. How can I ever be a good actress when I’m cast in this dreck? “There are no small parts only small actors” Dry up! Bleccch! In my own plays I always visualize the action perfectly and give positive instructions. I need a stage name suggesting beauty and a fiery temper. Dec 23 - 63 Face it, Alysse. You have not known one moment of true happiness in over a year. Maybe once in the Massachusetts woods with Marilyn – walloping each other as we defended separate boondocks. We were kindred spirits. I thought we were immortal. People live and die without knowing true happiness (Aunt Nina.) Have I hit my lowest point? Before the age of 15? I hope I’m not a pessimist. If only I could cry. It would melt the knot in my forehead. Jan 1 – 64 Will I ever get used to writing this date? Resolution: be a better ME. Uglier and stupider girls than me have boyfriends. Jan 2 – 64 I suppose I’m selfish. No one else thinks about me so I have to. I LIVE in me! People at school tell me I’m beautiful till I doubt the evidence of my own eyes. I run to the mirror and my heart drops. (The Waverleys did a good job on me.) I work hard to build up a good feeling so I can be kind. “I’m young and I love to be young I’m free and I love to be free” (Lesley Gore.) Jan 30 - 64 Just saw Lawrence of Arabia. (Mom covered Avril’s eyes through most of the movie, Avril asking, “Is it murder of is it mush?”) It was of the highest quality. I forgive the director his Hollywood: Peter O’Toole is the finest actor I have ever seen. Lawrence had unfashionably high ideals (that’s what separates us from cows, pigs & fish.) Reading Anne Frank’s diary (for the ninety-eighth time.)
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Alysse Aallyn
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