Grover’s Mill – 7 Sept 80
A week since our wedding so this must be our honeymoon. I feel perfectly balanced on a tightrope hung between 2 poles – drinking vodka & lime while studying V. Woolf’s Books & Portraits, Sayers’ Mind of the Maker. T. struggling with additions to a pile of thank you notes. Tomorrow off to Guilders’ College for a “teachers organizational meeting” so they must be sufficiently desperate they don’t mind my lack of a degree. Should be interesting. Chaotic summer swallowed up by wedding – ended up costing $7000 total. Facing winter with confidence – pregnant in 2 months! If Guilders doesn’t work out enroll in Marymount get my degree 1 class at a time. Last night we had bridesmaid Trish Lambert to dinner – husb Noah coming to lunch today – their marriage breaking up so we counsel. Looks hopeless – Noah chooses his pride over Trish every time – she says she’s not going back to a situation where she was so physically ill. What was she allergic to all the doctors wanted to know? Turned out to be him. Try to write here more regularly. These pages are a bank acct. Save, save save. Mon Sept 8 – 80 – Train from NYC – 4 pm What I thought would be a “teachers meeting” turns into a disgusting “registration” process – running from one building to another, paying fees, filling out forms – I am seriously allergic to bureaucracy and the tears are starting to leak. Feel like a person wearing an ill-fitting disguise. However I believe I carried it off. Just act like you’re entitled and no one questions you. I just don’t want to live in this world. I doubt poor T caught in the maw of Beginning Law can provide much sympathy. He is dotting I’s and crossing t’s with a vengeance. Financial pressures create time pressures. Try to look for the meaning in all this. 2:30 AM Sept 9– Worry and 2 double whiskies wake me at one and I can’t get back to sleep. Tried bath & reading, nada. Toss has been magnificent. I was able to present my worries without sounding like an idiot and he was able to identify with them without being dismissive. He says his uncle Avery gives Masters to people without BAs in Environmental Studies all the time. I say I really don’t need the degree it’s the experience I want and blame Plumly. And Chevenix. They ruined me for “degrees”. He always says Plumly was “not so bad” – and of course he loved Reed but they wouldn’t even let him see his grades! (They show everyone else) – but he seems to accept my Kafkaesque emotions. Sat 20 Sept 80– Fortunately our weekend guest (T’s Reed roommate) not here yet. Cleaned & garnished house for 4 solid hours. Went shopping bought 14 meals for $60 – T went to Trenton then discovered he didn’t need to go. (Getting out of housework? Hmmm.) Put a bookcase together and filled it with books (which helped) now he’s making peach butter. How point out to him that him doing all the work he LIKES and me doing all the work BOTH OF US DISLIKE is not a fair division of labor? Cowardice. Then there’s the problem that this is his grandparents place filled with his grandparents furniture and he doesn’t want anything “changed.” My only satisfaction if making my study a feminine as possible ( painting my file cabinets yellow.) Reading Krumm’s Why I am an Episcopalian (he’s pro women’s ministry and Hans Kung’s Signposts for the Future and struggling with what God I believe in. Not a subject for dinner party conversation. He will watch Presidential debate and I can opt out of that.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Alysse Aallyn
Archives
September 2022
Categories |